Happy New Year!

I'd like to wish everyone the very best for the coming decade and a special thanks to my host city, Naples, that has opened its wonders to me and, as one of the oldest cities in the Western world, has proven Goethe's moniker of:  "See Naples, then die."

The Capital of Urban Legends

While traveling for two weeks on the closed-off military base in Guantanamo Bay, Cuba I've discovered that the island can best be described as "The Capital of Urban Legends". 


(Warning:  This post will be longer than the time it takes to drink an espresso... a direct consequence of only being able to find brewed coffee.)


A two-lane road, called Sherman Avenue, runs from one end of the naval base to the other, curving through brush and cacti.  The path goes through mountains punctuated by views of the Bay and the Caribbean Sea.  But what turns this area from bland to mysterious are the paved and unpaved roads that veer from the main highway, usually marked by signs that say: "Restricted" or "Warning".  Gates often bar the way.  Driving around the island means passing abandoned amunitions barracks, half-tube metal buildings in the middle of nowhere, an abandoned air landing strip, watch towers, and bulbous metal vents peeking out from small hills.  Weird creatures also often cross this way, notably iguanas and opossum-size banana rats.

Located in the south-east corner of Cuba, Guatanamo Bay is forty-five square miles around with a current (but fluctuating) population of a little over 7,000.  The naval base is entirely cut off from the rest of Cuba and any and all resources.  Consequently, the base has its own desalination plant, electrical plant, and four windmills that produces one-third of its electrical power. 


The base touts one-hundred percent employment.  Residents, some of whom have retired here and some others who have worked on the base for more than two decades, cite this as the reason why property crime doesn't exist.  (Never mind the fact that military law reigns in these parts and those who break the law often find themselves on a plane going off the island.)  But as a consequence, people leave their cars unlocked, the doors of their homes open, and their personal belongings out in the open. 


The base also hosts a melting pot of nationalities, with third country nationals making up one-third of the workforce, most originating from the Phillippines and Jamaica. 


Getting There:  Several military flights leave from Baltimore and Jacksonville on a weekly basis.  Two commerical airliners also fly from Fort Lauderdale, Florida.  We flew on Air Sunshine, a name that instills a smile of confidence.  And you can be confident that, above all, nobody has ever heard of it. 


At the Fort Lauderdale Airport, we find Air Sunshine's check-in counter downstairs, along an unmarked hallway, past the baggage claim in terminal three.  The flight attendant (who is also the co-pilot and the baggage attendant) checks in passengers by carefully scrutinizing the hand-written tickets.  He then checks the military paperwork that allows us to visit the base.  Once all passengers are checked in, he disappears.  Doors closed, bags gone, we wait at the empty check-in counter.  And wait.


Long after the designated time for departure, the flight attendant returns and asks that everyone go to the bathroom.  This will be a three hour flight (the Cubans don't allow Americans to use their airspace, so we have to take the long way around) and there is no lavatory on board.  Thereafter, he punches at the keypad on a door next to the check-in counter and escorts us onto the tarmac where a 12-person plane awaits.  The co-pilot waves us on board one-by-one, pointing to where we will sit.


The flight is smooth, the cabin air breathable and also wintery cold. 


We land at dusk on a small runway on the Leeward side of the base, disembark while the co-pilot throws open the doors in the back of the plane and hands us each our luggage.  We walk into a hangar chirping with birds, where a man at a podium meticulously checks our paperwork.  Then we walk out to the bus stop that takes us to the ferry.  The ferry takes us to the Windwood side of the base where most of the activity is located.  (The bay cuts the base in half and the only way to get from one side to the other is via ferry.)


Where To Eat:  Three galleys provide open buffets at designated hours three times a day.  They're free for deployed members and cost about $4.00 per person for an all-you-can-eat meal.  There's also an Irish Pub, KFC, A&W, Pizza Hut, the Tiki Bar, an officer's club (that offers Mongolian BBQ night on Thursdays), a cafe that serves Starbucks coffee, a Subway's, The Jerk House (an outside restaurant with Carribean food touting oxtail and spicy goat), and the Cuban Club (which, urban legend has it, actually serves Jamaican food advertised as Cuban).


What To Do:  With one-hundred percent employment on base (if you don't work here, you can't be here), spending time working is your best option.  With very little else around, eating is your next best bet for fun. 


Cooper Field Recreation complex provides a run-down mini-golf course, a fitness center, a top-notch baseball, football, and track field made of artificial grass.  There's also a fantastic skate park in the middle of it all that was built, as urban legend has it, by one of the former Admirals whose teenage daughter was an ace skateboarder and begged her daddy for the park as a Christmas gift. 


Boating (fishing, sailing, diving) are also available.  Jelly fish, starfish, barracudas, mackeral, and a bevy of sea life can be seen in these warm waters. 


Lastly, there are a myraid of disappointing beaches with rocks and brown-moss coral.  You can take a swim at Windmill Beach located right below the detention camp, at Ferry Landing adjacent to the rusting desalination and electrical plant, or at Kittery Beach by the watch tower manned twenty-four hours a day.  Philips Dive Pier provides a metal plank and ladder from which you can go scuba diving.  The water is tepid and the fish often glow in tropical colors.  The kids can also enjoy searching for smoothed green and brown glass, left behind from beer bottles at Glass Beach.


Where To Stay:  For those coming on short visits, the Navy Lodge -- located next to the open-air movie theater -- has a Holiday Inn-like feel.


For active duty military personnel along with their families stationed here (usually for three years), the suburbs along Sherman Avenue provide duplexes and fourplexes replete with backyards, garages and everything that Pleasantville has to offer.  Neighborhoods are parsed into communities by names like Nob Hill and Windward Loop.


For third-country nationals, usually from Jamaica and the Phillippines, bachelor barracks are offered replete with evenings of loud rock music.  Although unable to bring along their families (who they many visit -- as applicable -- by taking the rotator to Kingston on weekends for $25), urban legend has it that whoever works as a third-country national in this dorm-like environment for ten years or more, automatically is granted American citizenship.


For those fleeing their country by boat or by swimming, a refugee camp is available over on the island by the airport runway.


And finally, for those suspected of terrorist activities against the United States, the detention camp with its curly razor wire, two layers of green windscreens, and crunchy gravel for pavement is still available (though sources off the island claim not for much longer).  It includes several camps replete with isolation cells, open bays, and twenty-four hour surveillance.


A Little Bit Of History: After the Spanish-American War that gave Cubans independence from colonial Spain, the first President of Cuba, Tomas Estrada Palma, granted the United States a perpetual lease on the land of Guantanamo Bay by the terms of the Cuban-American Treaty of 1903.



In 1934 the Avery Porko Treaty reaffirmed the lease, increasing the American payment from $2,000 to $4,085 per year. The treaty also made the lease permanent unless both governments agreed to break it. After the Cuban Revolution, in spite of Fidel Castro's pronouncements that the Americans held the property illegally, the U.S. refused to break the treaty and continued, even up to this day, to send the rent checks -- which continue to remain uncashed by the Cuban government.


By 1961, Cuba created an eight mile barrier of Opuntia cactus along a slice of the American fence. Dubbed "Cactus Curtain" that alluded to the Iron Curtain in Europe, the action led both the U.S. and Cuban military to place more than 55,000 land mines across the 'no man's land' between the U.S.-Cuban border, the second-largest minefield in the world.


Castro then continued to cut the area off completely from Cuban resources. While water had been supplied from the Yateras River from 1939 onwards, in 1964 Castro stopped the flow and then began accusing the U.S. of stealing water. In reaction, the Americans cut the pipelines entirely and relocated a desalination plant from San Diego, California onto the base.


Since 2002, the base has expanded operations to include the detention camp for political prisoners from abroad. At some point, the prisoners numbered upwards of 800. As of its eighth anniversary, coming up this January, the prison holds about 200 detainees, most of whose crimes are hazy or unknown to the American public and whose lawyers are negotiating with various countries for their release. But the detention camp also holds within its confines several of the most notorious terrorists, notably Khalid Sheikh Mohammed -- the man responsible for masterminding the 9/11 terrorist attacks and beheading Daniel Pearl.

So What Are The Legends?  Residents time and again roll their eyes at media reports about Guantanamo.  They live on this base, work at the facilities, and are a small community where everybody knows and sees everything.  They also watch television and read the newspapers, keeping abreast of what's said about Guantanamo.  The near unanimous feeling is that journalists (both in America and world-wide) lie and create science fictions about what happens here.  Nevertheless, the naval base invites hoardes of journalists to visit each year, believing that transparency protects everyone all-around.


Lately, the most prominent rumor maintains that Osama bin-Laden is being hidden at a black site somewhere here by deep-deep cover intelligence officers. 


Another urban legend maintains that male guards have had sexual relations with the prisoners at the detention camp.  The urban legend of this urban legend is that a Colonel deliberately made up the story in order to dicourage guards from making friends with the prisoners -- the reason for his decision, if true, being obvious to anyone who understands prison management.


The Cuban press has cultivated numerous urban legends.  They claim that four Cubans (two soldiers) were murdered in the 1960's by Americans on the base, one of them a humble fisherman who was kidnapped, tortured and assassinated.  Americans at Guantanamo, on the other hand, say that there was a time when Cuban refugees came into the camp in droves.  The American government responded by giving each Cuban $5,000 in cash and then flew them to Miami where they immediately became American citizens and lived freely as they wished.

No doubt, Guatanamo Bay is here to stay and as a strategic American military installation, it will continue to attract attention along with its accompanying urban legends for some time to come.

Which legends do you believe?

Guantanamo Bay, Cuba

I hope you've enjoyed my Christmas special that highlights places to visit in Naples during the holiday season. I'm taking some time off, but will be back in January with more of the Naples underground, the odious women, and the espresso tours. I'll also add new monthly posts about the nooks of Europe, excursions around Italy, as well as interviews with some interesting Neapolitans.

Until then, I am currently traveling with my three children to the naval base in Guantanamo Bay, Cuba. My husband is on his second deployment as a physician in the Navy, this time serving as the psychiatrist for the detainees.

For our family, this season will be celebrated under very surreal circumstances, and yet the fact that we can be together when so many other servicemembers are out in Afghanistan or Iraq --away from their families -- makes us feel a deep sense of gratefulness.

This post goes out to all those who are still serving. Especially those servicemembers -- many our friends, acquaintances, and neighbors -- who are now into or will be going into their second, third and fourth deployments, often away from their families for a year or more.

As a navy wife, I would also like to give thanks, first and foremost, to my three children (ages 4, 8, 11) for their sacrifices -- namely the pain of loss, the fear, and often confusion that comes with the long absences of their dad -- and thank them for serving their country at such a young age.

For the sake of them, I would like to make an appeal this Christmas:

I would like to make an appeal to voting Italians who speak much about wanting more civic consciousness in their society and whose troops are also out participating in America's war. Civic consciousness starts with the individual.

I would like to make an appeal to voting Americans who may feel fatigued by eight years of war and may not want to hear the stories of veterans as well as active duty members, so many of whom (though not all), in my personal experience, have wanted to talk about the horrors they've witnessed and want so much to be heard as part of our collective national memory. While packages to men like my husband that include hand wipes and cookies provide some media attention, not to mention fine pats on the back for a volunteer job well-done within parochial newsletters, a three-minute phone call to a Congressman or a Senator on a weekly basis that holds them accountable (by asking, for example: "What's the timeline? What's the timeline?) might also be in the spirit of giving this season.

And finally, I appeal particularly to those servicemembers (in some sections, as quoted by detailers, ranging upwards of twenty percent) who have served these last eight years exclusively without deploying 6-12 months. Please volunteer to go out, hopefully more than once, and relieve those who have gone out multiple times.

Pace e Buone Feste,

Barbara

Neapolitan Christmas Pastries

Regional pastries abound throughout the city and during Christmas three desserts in particular can be seen in pasticcerie everywhere: Struffoli, Mostacciuoli, and Rococo.

The guru of neapolitan desserts, Luciano Pignataro, has written a fabulous and comprehensive book I dolci napoletani where he reveals the secrets of these Christmas treats. For English speakers, he has translated the Christmas page of the book at his website with a bit of the history of the three treats as well as recipes for each.

Here, I'll only give a brief history of the treats as well as pictures:

Struffoli: Once prepared by nuns in Naples and given as a gift to noble families at Christmas, this dessert consists of fried balls flavored with honey and decorated with multi-colored candied almond balls.

Mostacciuoli: Are said to bring good luck.

Rococo: Nuns prepared this treat all the way back in 1320. They are hard biscuits that are then soaked in vermouth or wine.

Buon Natale!

African-Italian Becomes Prime Minister of Italy!

No, not really. But I must break here to make an observation about a city that I hold so dear. Black Neapolitans are everywhere and constitute the largest minority population in the region. Nevertheless, after two years of roaming these nooks, I have yet to see a black barista, waiter, or shop keeper working anywhere in the city -- occupations that usually provide on-the-job training.

So I'm driven to ask: Why?

The Italians I've talked to say that black Neapolitans are a new group who landed on these shores during the last twenty years only. They then vehemently deny any discrimination. And yet, even my Italian-language Lonely Planet guide to Naples frequently mentions black Neapolitans in the sole context of males who sell stolen purses along the streets or female 'umbrella girls' who stand on the side of the freeway in mini-skirts waiting for a Fiat Punto to stop.

Curious about this, I have researched this issue in a little more depth and found, first of all, that African-Italians have been a part of Italy, and particularly Naples, since ancient times. From the great warriors of Hannibal to the imported slaves for Roman patricians, this port town has had a close relationship to the continent of Africa and its people for more than two thousand years. I've already mentioned the Africans who settled here during the Byzantine era -- San Gaudioso and his followers. Both he and the African woman Santa Restituta (whose remains he brought with him) are revered in Naples as saints. Furthermore, the artists who created the precepe displayed at the San Martin's Charterhouse added an abundant number of kings, sheep herders, and musicians who were black.

An article about two years ago in the national political magazine L'Espresso did a survey asking "Who Is Italian?" The article found that Italians don't define themselves as a cohesive nation based on the usual criteria of language, geography, or place of birth. Instead, they define themselves as "Italians" based on their art and history. So if black Neapolitans have contributed in such abundance to Italian history, do white Neapolitans treat them as national brothers... or as foreign immigrants?

In the Naples area, blacks are relegated to living almost exclusively in the suburb town of Castel Volturno where they have their own churches and shops. One black Neapolitan, in fear and reluctance, admitted that blacks aren't able to live outside this suburb town because white Neapolitans refuse to sell or rent to them elsewhere. And blacks aren't necessarily welcome in Castel Volturno either. On September 18, 2008, for example, six blacks were gunned down in a suspected mafia hit, the Camorra unhappy that people of darker skin color were starting to become successful in their slice of the Campania economy.

On a national level, even while the well-known Jean-Leonard Touadi (of Congolese background), serves his country as the third black-Italian member of Parliament, legislation under Berlusconi has become increasingly disturbing. The Bossi-Fini immigration law maintains that if a legal immigrant looses his or her job, s/he immediately is considered an illegal immigrant and is subject to immediate expulsion. If they subsequently remain in the country, they become a shadow worker. The government also has been talking about segregating schools for the children of immigrants.

The use of the words 'African immigrants' rather than 'black Neapolitans' within the media is itself interesting. Currently, Italian citizenship laws favor jus sanguinis (right of blood). This means that U.S. citizens, Argentinians, Chileans, Canadians, Australians, New Zealanders, Brazilians and Venezuelans who are descended from an ancestor (parent, grandparent, or even great-grandparent) born in Italy may apply and receive Italian citizenship automatically by descent. However, those who don't have Italian blood or haven't married an Italian citizen can become naturalized only after 10 years of legal residence, provided they do not have a criminal record and they have 'sufficient financial resources.' (In contrast, EU citizens living in the country without Italian blood or marital bonds can naturalize after four years and thereafter can refer to themselves as Neapolitan Italians.)

Unfortunately, I can provide no pictures of black Neapolitans. Whenever I approach them with a camera, they refuse to be photographed (unlike caucasian Neapolitans who are more than willing). They also refuse to participate in any sort of interview and avoid conversations about their lives. Why so much fear? Their reluctance leads me to believe that they indeed have something to fear. And what a shame within a port town that has been a salad bowl of diversity for thousands of years.

The Precepe

Nook of Naples: Most Neapolitans set up precepe (also known as creche, cribs, or nativity scenes) in their homes during Christmas. The precepe are often very elaborate and the pieces are collected little-by-little over many years. Christmas Alley is well-known as a place to buy these miniature treasures.

But to see breathtaking precepe, The San Martino Charterhouse displays an exquisite number as part of their museum collection. While the exhibition is open all year round, most people come during Christmas.

A precepe is a depiction of the birth of Jesus in three dimensional form. Saint Francis of Assisi is credited with creating the first nativity scene in 1223 at Greccio, Italy. His intent was to shift the focus of Christmas back to the worship of Christ from the secular materialism he saw during his time. His nativity scene was a living one with humans and animals. Over the centuries nativity scenes became ever more elaborate, figurines being made of ivory, wax and other materials.

At the San Martino Charterhouse, the precepe exhibition was established in 1879 by architect and playwright Michele Cuciniello. Over time it was enriched with other collections. Notably, a figurine on display at the museum was created by the artist who sculpted the Veiled Christ, Giuseppe Sanmartino (see the picture of the king on a horse above).

Wandering the precepe here, the life-like scenes portray a 'dream factory' where the everyday frenzy of Naples melts into scene after scene of idealistic rural life.

Getting There: Largo San Martino 8. Perched on top of the mountain with breathtaking views, the Charterhouse is right next to Castel Sant'Elmo. (And note: an odious woman is connected to this Charterhouse, so you'll be hearing more about it soon!)

Gay Odin Chocolate Factory

Move over Perugia! Naples has its own delicious chocolate haven called Gay Odin and blogger supreme, Panda, can give us an insider's view. She received a private tour of the factory and lived to tell the tale.

Did she become two inches tall or blue as a blueberry? You'll have to find out for yourself. Her pictures at Living In the Boot allow us to get a glimpse of her yummy experience.

Getting There: The factory is located at Via Vietriera 12. They also have at least two outlets in downtown Naples, one across the street from Piazza Dante:

and the other on Via Benedetto Croce:

The Hospital for Dolls

Nook of Naples: Take a left at the end of Christmas Alley and walk towards the Duomo. Very shortly you will happen upon the Ospedale delle Bambole, a shop that has existed since the 1800's. It's small, quaint, and a little macabre. The dolls are on sale or you can bring your own to get fixed.

Today I leave this shopping experience to my pictures:

Getting There: Via San Biagio dei Librai 81

Naples National Railway Museum

Hot off the Blog Update!

Nook of Naples: The National Railway Museum just reopened to the public. They take the Arte Card and the link has pictures (as well as an address) that show this might be a wonderful place for kids during the holiday season.

If you go, I'd love to hear more about it.

Saluti!

The Veiled Christ

Nook of Naples: Only meters away from Christmas Alley, one of the 'wonders of the world' lies tucked down a narrow street inside the Cappella Sansevero. The Veiled Christ was sculpted by Giuseppe Sanmartino during the Rococo period. Little is known about the artist except that he was part of a larger group who bedecked this church with more than thirty works of art.

But far more interesting for the visitor is the man who reconstructed and commissioned these pieces during the 1700's. An Italian noble and scientist, Raimondo di Sangro invented a long range canon while serving in the military and created a water-proof cape for his friend Charles Bourbon who became king of Naples in the early 1700's .

Raimondo's interest in alchemy made rumors abound that he could create blood out of nothing, that he could replicate the liquefaction of San Gennaro's blood, and that he killed people to use their bodies for experiments. While the veracity of these claims remains unknown, we do know that he was head of the Neapolitan masonic lodge, for which the Church excommunicated him. Although the Church eventually revoked his excommunication thanks to Raimondo's influence within the city, after his death in 1771 the Church threatened to excommunicate Raimondo's family if they didn't agree to destroy his writings as well as the results of his scientific experiments. Raimondo's family acquiesced and today the man who brought us such wonderful art is himself shrouded in mystery.

Getting There: Via de Sanctis 19 (They charge a 6 Euro admission, 5 Euros if you have an Artecard. No pictures allowed.)

Christmas Alley

Nook of Naples: The famous precipe (or nativity scenes) sold down Christmas Alley year round are a 'must-do' for any visitor to Naples. The street also provides some fantastic shopping for the holidays, although during December hordes of people trample through. The pulcinella also feature down this street, which are the well-known Neapolitan puppets.

To know more about Christmas Alley and the precipe, I'd like to give a fantastic blogger of Christmastime In Italy center stage. Check out her pictures of the precipe and explanation of how Neapolitans use these delightful ornaments.

Here I'll provide a map on how to get to Christmas Alley, formally known as Via San Gregorio Armeno and located in the heart of downtown Naples.

Pizza Margherita

Nook of Naples: When your Christmas shopping if half over, it's always good to stop for a hearty lunch. And what better place than where pizza itself was invented?

BRANDI Pizzeria purports to be the oldest pizzeria in Naples (and the world), established in 1780. It is also home to the once famous 'Pietro the Pizzamaker' or Raffaele Esposito who made pizza famous throughout the world by creating the Pizza Margherita.

Although versions of pizza existed in the ancient world -- notably adding toppings to different kinds of 'pita' bread -- pizza as we know it first became common among the peasants of Naples. By the 17th century, tourists visited the poor section of the city just to sample the new creation.

According to pizza legend, the Neopolitan piazzaiolo (pizza maker) Raffaele Esposito received a visit from an employee of the royal household who invited him to prepare pizza for the Royal Family at Capodimonte. Raffaele accepted the challenge and when he cooked the meal, he topped a pizza with tomato, buffalo mozzarella, and basil to create a pie with the colors of the Italian flag. He presented this special dish to King Umberto I and his Queen Margherita when they visited Naples in 1889. The 'Margherita Pizza' was thus born and remains the most popular pizza here today.

The restaurant Brandi has, among other things, kept the letter written by the Royal Palace on 11 June 1889:

The Royal Household of His Majesty

Dear Mr. Raffaele Esposito (Brandi)

I would like to officially state that the three varieties of pizza prepared by you for Her Majesty the Queen were found to be excellent.

Humblest regards.

Camillo Galli

Head of Table Service of the Royal Household

Now THAT's a letter which might make a die-hard foodie want the monarchy to come back!

Getting There: Salita S. Anna di Palazzo, 1/2 -- 80132 Napoli. Easy to find, if you are standing next to Bar Gambrius in the Piazza Trieste e Trento, you walk up the small street and you will see the signs. www.brandi.it

La Cucina Napoletana: From the book Cucina Napoletano by Roberta Avallone here is the secret recipe:

Pizza Margherita

Mash 1 cup of peeled tomatoes with a fork.

Drain two balls of mozzarella and cut into thin strips.

Distribute the tomato, a little salt, and the mozzarella onto the pizza dough.

Sprinkle with oregano and season with a thread of olive oil.

Bake at 450 degrees Fahrenheit for about 30 minutes.

Serve hot and decorate with two or three basil leaves in the middle.

Shopping, Shopping, Shopping

I confess: I hate shopping. The crowds. The large confusing selections. Just about everything concerning shopping -- I dread. But during the Christmas season, I drag myself out of my ba-humbug attitude so as to cultivate a little bit of generosity al materialismo. And Naples certainly provides a bevy of shopping opportunities. Most of the locals tell me that the open markets are the best way to shop.

So here I'm listing some of the top places to shop as suggested by my favorite guide to the city, Lonely Planet's: Naples & the Amalfi Coast

Via Mezzocannone: A great street for Catholic kitsch. You'll find the Virgin Mary with a blinking crown as well as a glow-in-the-dark Jesus here.

Mercato di Poggioreale (Via Nuova Poggioreale; Fri-Mon 8am-1pm): Set in the city's old slaughterhouse, there are over 40 shoe stalls as well as casual wear, suits, and kitchenware.

OK-KO Research (Via Cavalerizza a Chiaia 63): Funky housewares include Andy Warhol light boxes, plastic chairs, clocks, CDs and handbags in the shape of watering cans. (The draw: Aperitivi are served upstairs in the winter.)

Bowinkel (Via Santa Lucia 25): Vintage prints, photographs, watercolor paintings and classic frames.

Whew! I'm already tired. Does anybody have other recommendations and comments about shopping in Naples?

Making Out, Italian Style

Okay -- so you live in Naples and learning Italian turned out to be a little harder than you thought.  Plus, you still think horn-honking is road rage rather than just a salutation and queues at shops look like a crush of people to you.  But fear not!  There is something particularly Italian that you can master -- Italian kissing.

It's not entirely easy.  The art can take months if not years to perfect.  You must observe, observe, observe.  And then, naturally, practice. 


 Admittedly, I have been fascinated with Italian kissing ever since I landed on the shores of Naples. Now, I'm willing to share the tidbits I've learned so far, whittling down the intricacies into what I am positive any Italian would tell you should be presented as a luscious primo piatto.

Here are the cultural steps you can attempt to master:

Step 1 -- Choose a public venue. While the causeway going to the Castel dell'Ovo is the best choice in Naples, parking lots at shopping malls are also adequate. A little more out of the way might be inside a Fiat along Lake Averno or consider renting a lounge chair at one of the many Lido's in summertime.

Step 2 -- When you begin kissing, don't keep your mouth almost closed. Wide open is better, but not to the point where the lips are stretched. The lips must look loose, natural. The lips must say: So you think you can kiss?

Step 3 -- Keep the tongue outside of the mouth. Keep the tongue active. Not too fast. Not too slow. Always adventurous and possibly even surprising. Remember, this is Italy. You are amore.

Step 4 -- Yes, it's good to keep your partner in mind. But more importantly, think of all those around you. Think of their feelings. Are they entranced? Do they look like they want more? Then you are serving up the right meal.

With those four steps, I bid you: Tanti Baci.