Tuesday, December 1, 2009

Making Out, Italian Style

Okay -- so you live in Naples and learning Italian turned out to be a little harder than you thought.  Plus, you still think horn-honking is road rage rather than just a salutation and queues at shops look like a crush of people to you.  But fear not!  There is something particularly Italian that you can master -- Italian kissing.

It's not entirely easy.  The art can take months if not years to perfect.  You must observe, observe, observe.  And then, naturally, practice. 

 Admittedly, I have been fascinated with Italian kissing ever since I landed on the shores of Naples. Now, I'm willing to share the tidbits I've learned so far, whittling down the intricacies into what I am positive any Italian would tell you should be presented as a luscious primo piatto.

Here are the cultural steps you can attempt to master:

Step 1 -- Choose a public venue. While the causeway going to the Castel dell'Ovo is the best choice in Naples, parking lots at shopping malls are also adequate. A little more out of the way might be inside a Fiat along Lake Averno or consider renting a lounge chair at one of the many Lido's in summertime.

Step 2 -- When you begin kissing, don't keep your mouth almost closed. Wide open is better, but not to the point where the lips are stretched. The lips must look loose, natural. The lips must say: So you think you can kiss?

Step 3 -- Keep the tongue outside of the mouth. Keep the tongue active. Not too fast. Not too slow. Always adventurous and possibly even surprising. Remember, this is Italy. You are amore.

Step 4 -- Yes, it's good to keep your partner in mind. But more importantly, think of all those around you. Think of their feelings. Are they entranced? Do they look like they want more? Then you are serving up the right meal.

With those four steps, I bid you: Tanti Baci.


Anonymous said...

I'm not sure Making Out, Italian style is the best thing to write about while your husband is deployed - unless of course you are getting ready to visit me :)

Barbara Zaragoza said...

It's all about missing you, honey. I'm observing, observing, observing. The practice comes later. xoxoxox